How Much to Spend on Christmas Gifts, Person by Person

Before you buy a single present, decide what the whole of Christmas will cost: gifts, wrapping, shipping, the extra groceries, the office exchange you forgot you'd signed up for. Pick a figure you can clear by the end of January, write it down, and only then start dividing. Shopping name by name works the other way around. Each gift seems reasonable on its own, and the real total turns up on a statement in the new year.

Then sort the list into rings. The inner ring is a partner and your own children. Next come parents, siblings and the closest friends. Then in-laws, nieces, nephews and friends you see a few times a year. The outer ring is coworkers, neighbors, teachers and the people who help you all year. Give each ring a range, and inside a ring, keep things roughly level: two sisters, two sets of grandparents and three grandchildren all notice differences, even when nobody mentions them. Reciprocity matters as much as closeness. If a friend has always spent about $30 on you, a $100 present doesn't come across as generous. It sets a bar they now have to clear.

For people you see often but not socially, the custom is a token: small, usually consumable, and asking nothing back. Neighbors get $10 to $20 or a plate of something homemade (Christmas gifts for neighbors has ideas). A teacher gets $10 to $25 from one family, and anything bigger works better as a class gift; some school districts limit what teachers may accept, so whoever organizes it should check. Your mail carrier has a hard ceiling. USPS rules let carriers accept a noncash gift worth $20 or less per occasion, and no more than $50 from one customer in a year. Cash, checks and gift cards that work like cash, such as Visa, Mastercard or American Express cards, aren't allowed in any amount.

At work, gifts flow down more comfortably than up. Many teams skip the boss entirely or sign one card together, and nobody should feel pressed to chip in. Federal employees have a firm rule: gifts to a supervisor on occasions like Christmas are limited to noncash items worth $10 or less, and coworkers can't pool money to get around it. Managers giving to their team usually choose one modest thing and give it to everyone. Christmas gifts for coworkers and Christmas gifts for your boss have more at this level.

This is the middle of most lists, and it's where people compare. Friends who swap presents every year tend to settle somewhere between $25 and $50 without saying so; aim for roughly what they spent on you last year and you won't go far wrong. Adult siblings sit in the same range. Once brothers and sisters have partners and children of their own, many families switch to a name draw with one limit, often $25 to $50, so each adult buys one good present instead of six small ones.

With in-laws, the rule that matters is parity. If both sets of parents are part of your Christmas, spend about the same on each (that belongs in the next range up), and settle it with your partner before anyone shops. Siblings-in-law sit here, and a brother-in-law and sister-in-law can share one present addressed to both, which feels warmer than two smaller ones bought separately.

Say so early. Most families have at least one person quietly dreading December, and whoever proposes a limit first usually gets thanked for it. Send the message in early November, before anyone has shopped, and offer a choice: a name draw for the adults with a single limit, presents only for the children, or one cap for everyone. A big family that switches to a Secret Santa shrinks most people's list from a dozen gifts to one.

Then spend time instead of money. Homemade food is welcome almost everywhere: cookies, granola, spiced nuts in a jar. An offer of help is often the gift a parent or friend values most, like an evening of babysitting, a Saturday clearing their garage or dinner cooked in their kitchen. Write it on a card with a specific date, because a vague offer rarely gets redeemed. For the people at the edge of your list, a handwritten card with two specific sentences is a complete gift. Nobody worth buying for wants you paying off their present in March.

For most adults, parents come right after a partner and their own children, and $50 to $150 covers what most people give them. The top of that range is where pooling earns its keep: three siblings putting in $50 each can buy one present none of them would manage alone, and it spares parents a stack of things they never asked for. Grandparents tend to sit between this range and the friend range, and many value a photo or a visit above anything boxed. More ideas are in Christmas gifts for parents.

There's no going rate for a partner, and it's the one name on the list where the amount should be discussed openly. Couples who share money often set a joint limit, or skip presents for each other and put the money toward a trip or something for the home, which is a perfectly respectable Christmas. The trouble comes from mismatches: one person spends $300, the other $40, and both feel bad for different reasons.

New relationships run smaller. About $25 to $50 is usual at one or two months, rising toward $100 by six months, and a thoughtful $40 gift lands better than a lavish one that implies more commitment than either of you has reached; Christmas gifts for someone you just started dating goes through it stage by stage. After a year or so the range opens up, and the useful question becomes what they'd never buy themselves. The girlfriend and boyfriend guides go further.

Children notice how many presents there are, and how big the boxes are, long before they notice price. For your own kids there's no going rate worth quoting, since household budgets differ too much, so many parents settle the count first. A popular custom is four gifts each: something they want, something they need, something to wear and something to read. Others give one main present plus a stocking. Whichever you choose, keep siblings on the same count and roughly the same total, and expect the toddler to prefer the box.

For other people's children the usual range is smaller, often $20 to $50 for nieces, nephews and godchildren, and less as the list grows. Grandparents often keep amounts equal across grandchildren regardless of age, and many parents would welcome a contribution to a child's savings in place of more toys. Ask before buying anything large. Christmas gifts for kids has more by age.

For someone who provides a regular paid service, the Christmas custom is closer to a tip than a present, and cash is usually welcome. The rough guide most etiquette advice lands on is the cost of one typical visit: one haircut for a hairdresser or barber, one cleaning for a house cleaner, one evening's pay for a regular babysitter, a week of walks for a dog walker. A full-time nanny traditionally receives about a week's pay, often with a small gift or drawing from the children.

Daycare is different, because several adults look after your child and many centers have their own gift policies, so ask the director first. Etiquette guides commonly suggest something around $25 to $70 for each staff member who works directly with your child, or a share of a group gift organized by the parents. If that's beyond you this year, a smaller amount with a specific, handwritten note is still a real thank-you. Service workers don't expect something from every client, and they remember the ones who say thanks.