Sympathy Gifts and Practical Ways to Help
By the Giftruly editorsUpdated 11 hand-picked ideas
When someone is grieving, there's no gift that makes it better, and most people know that. What a gift can do is say "I'm thinking of you" at a time when words feel thin, and sometimes take a small burden off a household that is overwhelmed.
This page is deliberately short on objects. It begins with practical help, which is often what grieving families remember most, then offers a few gifts for the first days, a few quiet comforts, some guidance on writing a card, and a small number of keepsakes that tend to be more welcome a little later, once the funeral is over and the visitors have gone home.
If the person you're thinking of is ill rather than bereaved, our get well soon gifts guide may help.
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Help comes first
In the days after a death, a household is often full of relatives, phone calls and arrangements, and ordinary life still needs doing. The most useful thing you can give is usually help with that. Bring a meal or groceries. Offer to pick up relatives from the airport, walk the dog, mow the lawn, collect children from school or sit in the house during the funeral, when homes are sometimes targeted by burglars who read obituaries. Make the offer specific and easy to accept: "I'm dropping off dinner Thursday at six; I'll leave it on the porch" is far kinder than "let me know if you need anything," which puts the work back on them.
Follow the family's wishes and traditions. If an obituary asks for donations in lieu of flowers, a donation in the person's name is the right gift. Customs differ between faiths and cultures: flowers, for example, are not traditional at Jewish funerals or during shiva, where food is the usual way to help. If you're unsure, ask a close friend of the family rather than the bereaved themselves.
For the first days
Practical gifts that keep a busy, grieving household fed and running. None of these will feel like much to give, and all of them will be used.
- 1
Disposable Casserole Pans with Lids and Labels
~$20
If you're bringing food, use foil pans with lids so nothing needs to be washed or returned. Label each one with what it is, the date and how to reheat it, and add any allergens. Dishes that freeze well and serve a crowd, such as a baked pasta, a soup or a breakfast casserole, are the most useful.
- 2
Food Delivery Gift Card
~$50
For anyone who lives too far away to bring food, a delivery gift card lets the family order a meal whenever they can't face cooking, which in grief may be most nights for a while. Write in the card that it's for any evening they don't feel like making dinner, so it isn't saved for a special occasion.
- 3
Disposable Paper Plates, Cups and Napkins Set
~$30
A household hosting relatives and visitors after a death goes through a remarkable number of plates and cups, and nobody has the energy for washing up. A bulk pack of sturdy paper goods is a quiet, practical gift that close friends and neighbors can simply drop off, perhaps with coffee and a bag of ice.
Small comforts
A comforting gift should be simple, gentle and not ask anything of the person receiving it. Something warm to drink, something soft, something living.
- 4
Caffeine-Free Herbal Tea Sampler
~$20
A box of individually wrapped herbal teas such as chamomile and rooibos. Grief disrupts sleep, and a warm cup in the quiet hours of the evening can be a small comfort. It's an easy gift to send with a card, and it suits almost anyone, including people who don't want a fuss.
- 5
Soft Sympathy Throw Blanket with Comforting Quote
~$32
A plush fleece throw with a short comforting message in one corner. Something warm to wrap up in on the sofa during long evenings. Some people find printed messages too much; if you're unsure, a plain, very soft throw does the same job without words.
- 6
Peace Lily Plant in Ceramic Pot
~$42
A peace lily is a traditional sympathy plant: easy to care for, tolerant of low light, and longer-lasting than cut flowers. It can be a quiet living reminder of the person. It is mildly toxic to cats and dogs, so choose something else for a household with pets.
What to write in a sympathy card
A card is often the most valued part of any sympathy gift, and many families keep them. It doesn't need to be long. Use the name of the person who died, say you're sorry, and if you knew them, share one specific memory: "I'll always remember how Linda laughed at the office picnic" means more than any printed verse. If you didn't know them, write about the person you're comforting: "I know how much your dad meant to you." Close with "thinking of you" or "with love," and add "no need to reply" so they don't feel they owe you a note.
Avoid phrases that try to explain the loss or find a bright side, such as "everything happens for a reason," "at least they're not suffering" or "I know how you feel." Don't make the card about your own grief. If you want to help, end with a specific offer, and then follow through.
Keepsakes, for a little later
Remembrance gifts can be very moving, but they're often better a few weeks or months after the funeral, when the house is quiet and the person is still on everyone's mind. Giving one on the anniversary of the death, or the first birthday without them, tells the family you haven't forgotten.
- 7
Memorial Picture Frame with Remembrance Quote
~$25
A wooden frame with a short remembrance verse, for a favorite photo of the person who died. If you have a good photo of them that the family may not have, print it and put it in the frame before you give it. That photo is the real gift.
- 8
Wooden Memory Keepsake Box with Lid
~$28
A simple lined box for sympathy cards, letters, photos and small mementos such as a watch or a pair of glasses. Families collect many of these in the weeks after a death and often don't know where to put them. It's a quiet, practical gift that suits almost any loss.
- 9
Personalized Memorial Wind Chime
~$35
A wind chime with a name or a short line engraved on it, for a garden, porch or balcony. Some people find the gentle sound a comforting reminder; others may find it too much, especially if neighbors are close. Best for someone who spends time outdoors and appreciates that kind of memorial.
- 10
Guided Grief Journal with Writing Prompts
~$16
A softcover journal with gentle prompts for writing memories, thoughts and letters to the person who died. It suits someone who finds writing helpful and prefers to process things privately. Give it without expectations; it's fine if it sits on a shelf for a while.
- 11
Pet Memorial Garden Stone with Paw Print
~$24
The loss of a pet is real grief, yet it's rarely acknowledged with a card or a gift. A small weatherproof stone with a paw print and space for a name gives the animal a place in the garden or a planter. Write the pet's name in your card; it matters to the owner that you remembered it.
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Under $25
A few gentle guidelines
Help is usually more welcome than things. A meal, an errand or a few hours of your time is often what families remember.
Follow the family's wishes, including requests for donations instead of flowers, and respect religious and cultural customs.
Don't stop after the funeral. A note, a meal or a call in the second month and on the first anniversary means a great deal.
Keep gifts small and simple. Grief isn't the time for anything that needs explaining, assembling or looking after.
Questions people ask
What is an appropriate sympathy gift?
Food or practical help in the first days, a simple comfort such as tea or a soft throw, or a donation in the person's name if the family has asked for one. Keepsakes such as a memorial frame or a box for cards are often more welcome a few weeks later.
Is it better to send flowers or food?
Food is usually more useful, especially in the first week when relatives are visiting. Flowers are traditional in many families but not all; they aren't customary at Jewish funerals, for example. When in doubt, follow the obituary or ask someone close to the family.
How long after a death can you send a sympathy gift?
Any time. Gifts and cards that arrive weeks or months later are often especially appreciated, because most support fades after the funeral. The first anniversary and holidays are also good times to reach out.
What should I write in a sympathy card for a coworker?
Keep it short and sincere: "I'm so sorry about your mother. Thinking of you, and please don't worry about anything here." If your team can cover work, say so specifically; that kind of practical support is a real help.